Moving Forward

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It's funny about the changes that happen in some people as they grow
older. Every day I wake up and think I know it all, been there, done
that. I have my first cup of coffee and a cigarette before I start my
day, pondering life.

I then realize "I DON'T KNOW A DAMN THING!" (I
wish more people could realize that!) It's an uphill battle for one to
try and change their life. Most people don't know the battles I've
fought within myself. The things I've changed are enormous. Yes, it is
a uphill battle' but I have and will prevail! I started poking around
with old habits.

(Tempting fate, if you will) And in the past week I've
learned a lot. I couldn’t start those habits back up if I tried! With
that conclusion, finally, fully sinking in. there's no point in looking
back.

It's time to move forward. To think of the past is a disastrous
thing that imprisons your mind and well being. I cried after seeing an
80's movie, and started to realize how fast time is slipping away. My
god, I’m getting old, look at the gray hairs! I can see the generation
gap spreading! I feel I would do anything to go back! Panic in a subtle
way creeps in. And guess what? I started drinking and doing dumb stuff.

I start embracing the past and suddenly old habits don't seem so bad
anymore. I'm thinking, those habits were not so bad, I wasn’t doing
anything wrong! And that line of thinking while I’m drinking cascades
to morel destruction! I wake up the next day wondering how bad I made
an ass of myself.

What happened to all that power and determination I
had when I was drinking the night before?! Exactly, It went right out
the window when the alcohol left my system! Leaving me drained, hurt,
hopeless, and demoralized and the list goes on. That's why it's
disastrous to think of or embrace the past. They say old habits die
hard, well, enough of those habits have been erased, it's time to move
forward.